Wanky Wines

This effervescent disaster greets you with aromas of fake joy and undertones of impending chaos. On the palate, expect flavours of hollow congratulations, fizzy self-doubt, and that sweet note you’ll call pear because you read it somewhere. Finishes with a pop, a gasp, and the sound of your overdraft crying.

This fragile white bursts with aromas of maybe it will be fine and faint whispers of denial. On the palate, expect flavours of stale optimism, crushed dreams, and that citrus note you will insist is complex to impress nobody. Finishes crisp, like your last shred of hope, with undertones of panic and unpaid bills.

This emotionally volatile red opens with bold aromas of what now and subtle hints of poor decisions. On the palate, expect flavors of burnt toast, lost ambition, and that weird floral thing you cannot identify but pretend to like. Finishes with a long, dramatic sigh and a whisper of regret.

This unpredictably fragile rosé greets you with soft aromas of I am fine, it is fine, everything is fine layered over subtle notes of sunburn, warm regret, and strawberry lip gloss from 2009. On the tongue, anticipate flavors of watered-down hope, crushed dreams lightly macerated in rosé-all-day energy, and a lingering finish of pretending you are not spiraling.